Bachelorette Desiree Episode-By-Episode Spoilers ** Don’t Read If You Don’t Want To Know **

Desiree

The always-amazing Reality Steve has published his episode-by-episode recaps for the upcoming Bachelorette season featuring Desiree!  Stop reading right now if you don’t want to know what happens this season! 

Episode 1 (airing May 27th): Los Angeles, CA (26 down to 19)

-The theme to this season is definitely “Cinderella” since Desiree came from nothing (something she constantly reminds us of), and getting an opportunity to do this is just like the Cinderella story. You know, except for the fact she’s not blonde, doesn’t have two bitchy step-sisters, and guys don’t turn into pumpkins this season. So yeah, exactly like the “Cinderella” story. Within the first minute, Desiree is already crying because of this opportunity she’s been given. I’m already nauseous. Remember, this is the same girl that was crying on stage within a minute of being announced as the next “Bachelorette” on the ATFR show. Oh boy.

-I said yesterday 9 guys had intro videos. Apparently I can’t count. It was 8: Will, Robert, Zak, Bryden, Nick R., Drew, Mike R., and Brandon. In Will’s is where he screams “I love this womaaaaaaaaaan!” that was shown in the promos. Of course that makes perfect sense he’s telling us he’s in love with a woman he’s never met before. Great start, Will.

Drew lets us know his parents are divorced, his dad is an alcoholic and his sister is mentally handicapped. Cue the sad music.

Zak basically lets everyone know what a free spirit he is by posing on his balcony nude in one scene, obviously blurred out. Which was then followed later by his shirtless entrance out of the limo and remaining shirtless all night. Polarizing character. There will be plenty of people who say “Oh he’s so funny. I love that he’s such a free spirit” and then you’ll get those who say he’s not taking this serious, he comes off as arrogant, and he’s not looking for love. I don’t think there will be a happy medium with this guy. I personally don’t have a problem with it, but I know he might rub Middle America the wrong way.

You know those people you see on the street corner spinning signs trying to get you into a cell phone store that tries to put you in a contract that handcuffs you for life? Well, Robert informs us that he and his buddies were the ones who came up with the sign spinning company, along with showing us his skills. And oh yeah, his dog has one eye.

Brandon likes to wakeboard and do flips and sh*t. His dad left their family when he was 5 and his mom struggled with an alcohol addiction. This plays itself out later in the episode.

-The limo exits were quite tame this season compared to year’s past. Still had your share of cheesy ones and whatever, but they’re kinda boring to be honest.

Drew and Brooks were shown first and second respectively out of the limo and were both nervous.

Brad takes a wishbone out of his pocket that he and Desiree pull on. Desiree gets the longer end so she wins whatever she wished for, which was probably someone coming up with something more creative than a wishbone.

Michael G. takes her over to the fountain to try and recover the coin she made a wish with during her first night with Sean, but since he can’t find it, he gives her a coin and they each throw it over their shoulders into the fountain making a wish.

Kasey tells her he works in social media, so he has to hash tag everything he says. He tells her he’s come up with, “Hash tag perfect bachelorette, hash tag marriage material, and hash tag let the journey begin.” Yes, he verbally says hash tag before pretty much every sentence to Desiree and in his ITM’s. That got annoying after about .004 seconds. Hash tag knock it off.

Jonathan gives her a card that says if she wishes to forgo the other 24 guys they can use the key he’s provided and go to the fantasy suite. She says she’s not that kind of girl. That doesn’t stop Jonathan. He’s not done with her by a long shot.

Dr. Larry does a dance move where he twirls her then dips her, but her dress slightly ripped on the dip. Giant fail.

Nick the magician gives her a paper rose, lights in on fire, and it turns into a real rose. I think that’s in the Magicians 101 handbook since I’ve seen it a thousand times.

Diogo wears the suit of armor like an idiot.

Zack K. wore a bow tie and Chuck Taylors with his suit.

Chris gets down on one knee and asks Desiree, “Will you mind…if I tie my shoe?” Still debating on whether that was completely cheesy or somewhat creative. Can it be both?

Brandon arrives on a motorcycle cuz I guess he’s Billy Bad Ass.

Micah knows Desiree designed her own dress for the meet and greet on Sean’s season, so he comes in his jacket that he designed himself that says “Hi Des” on the front, and “Designed by This Guy” on the back. Fail.

Nick M. reads her a poem that certainly doesn’t have him taking away the title of “Best First Night Rhymer” from Emily O’Brien anytime soon.

And then Ben is shown arriving last bringing out his 4 year old son Brody. Pretty much the best entrance ever. When Brody is told he has to go back in the limo he says “I wish I could go to the party.”

-Nick the magician makes a big announcement once the party starts that he’s gonna perform a magic trick and that’s to make Desiree disappear for 5 minutes, so he gets her alone first and does nothing with it really.

-Brandon pulls her aside and gives her his mom’s 7 years sober ring and tells Desiree once he gets a hometown date, he wants Des to give it back to his mom. Ooooohhhh, so close. You only missed getting a hometown date by 5 episodes.

-The 6 guys who get first impression roses are Ben, Zak, Bryden, Drew, Nick M., and Michael G.

-Ben gets his first because Desiree loves the fact he’s an outdoorsman, likes to camp, etc and spoke very highly of Brody’s mom. Says they’re “two friends who have a kid together. We’re honestly best friends.” Awwwww. Sniff, sniff.

-Zak W. strips down to his underwear and jumps in the pool. Shortly afterwards is when Des gives him his rose.

-Bryden tells Des a story about how when he was over in Iraq, he befriended a kid from there. I guess this buttered her up since she gave him a rose.

-Can’t remember what Drew said or did to get a rose, but it wasn’t all that exciting. Drew kinda has a Jake Pavelka vibe to him, minus the phoniness. I think he’s sincere, but kinda quiet, reserved, and ummmm, a tad effeminate. We don’t see why Nick and Michael really got roses. They just did.

-Jonathan pulls Des outside for alone time and asks her again about going to the fantasy suite with him. He either has a slow, southern drawl or he was hammered. He seemed hammered. Des tells him again that she’s not gonna go to the fantasy suite with him. Later on that night, Jonathan grabs her hand and starts taking her through the mansion where she keeps asking, “Where are we going?” He won’t tell her, just says “come with me,” they finally get to the doorway of one of the rooms, and for a third time tells her he wants to go to the fantasy suite with her. She tells him he’s making her feel very uncomfortable and she’d like him to leave. Jonathan is sent home.

-The only other major thing to happen on the first night was outside of their limo exits, Brooks and Chris essentially get zero air time.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Diogo Custodio, Nick Roy, Mike R., Micah, Larry Burchett, and Jonathan Vollinger.

The 19 guys remaining after the first rose ceremony are:

James Case
Juan Pablo Galavis
Brad McKinzie
Zack Kalter
Kasey Stewart
Ben Scott
Zak Waddell
Brooks Forester
Brandon Andreen
Brian Jarosinski
Dan Cox
Chris Siegfried
Bryden Vukasin
Michael Garofola
Mikey Tenerelli
Robert Graham
Drew Kenney
Nick Mucci                                                                                                                                                                              Will Reese

Episode 2 (airing June 3rd): Los Angeles, CA (19 to 16)

1-on-1 date: Brooks Forester. She picked him up in a Bentley, they cruised Hollywood Blvd dressed as a bride and groom, got out on the sidewalk, fed each other cupcakes, and took questions from the fans standing around. Afterwards, they headed up the Hollywood sign (just like Ali and Frank when they had the first date of her season. Very original), and they get a private concert from R&B performer Andy Grammer. Brooks got a rose.

brooks 

Group date: She takes 14 guys to a studio where they record a song with rapper Soulja Boy. Awesome. I was really hoping they made a video to “Crank That” because it’s so appropriate for the Disney/ABC audience. Unfortunately, they didn’t. The song they make a video to is called “Right Reasons,” hence the reason they featured Desiree saying “Is everyone here for the right reasons” in that in the :30 promo that People.com released. Ben Scott gets the group date rose.

Chris, Brad, and Bobby are the three guys who don’t have dates this episode.

1-on-1 date: Bryden Vukasin. At the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa.

This isn’t the first I’ve heard of hotel patrons being inconvenienced by the “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” filming at their hotel, and it certainly won’t be the last. This is pretty much the type of ship they run. It’s their way or the highway, and those resorts are basically at their mercy because they are the ones getting free publicity out of being on the show. Pretty funny how “Johnny Jet” calls them out on it though, not to mention laughs at the show for being fake. Bryden gets a rose.

I mentioned in a previous post that Robert Graham once hooked up with Desiree’s roommate. Desiree recognizes Robert, but he doesn’t remember Desiree. Yet another instance where I’m not sure if this storyline will play out on air, but it definitely happened.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Will Smith, Robert Graham, and Nick Mucci.

Episode 3 (airing June 10th): Los Angeles, CA (16 to 13)

For the first time I believe ever in 25 seasons, an episode consisted of two group dates, and only one 1-on-1.

Group Date: Dodgeball at the Americana at Brand. I live tweeted this date as it was happening back on March 20th, but here’s the basics:

-They played best 2-out-of-3.
-The 5 guys on the Blue Team were Brad, Ben, Zack K, Brian, and Drew. The Red Team consisted of Brooks, Brandon, Chris, Mikey (Tenerelli), and Michael (Garofola).
-The Blue Team won the first game.
-Right when the second game started, Brooks injured his finger. A medic (and Des) came to his side, and he had to be removed from the game. While he was being tended to, some of the guys on the Blue Team were saying he was pulling a “Tierra.” Possible broken finger as he was taken away in an ambulance. From that point on, the Blue Team had to rotate someone and the game was 4-on-4.
-The Red Team won the second game.
-The final two guys remaining in Game 3 were Zack K (Blue) vs. Chris (Red). The Red Team thought they won, but apparently Chris had stepped over the line. So they restarted, and the Blue Team won thanks to Zack.
-The Blue Team each took turns giving Desiree a piggy back ride after the win.
-The crowd shouted for them to have a push-up contest and a couple of the guys did with Des on their back just for fun. The End.

dodgeball

The post date after party was on the rooftop at a hotel in LA. Chris gets the private concert date with Desiree to watch Kate Earl perform.

1-on-1 date: Kasey Stewart. They went window dancing at the Andaz Hotel in West Hollywood. Kasey got a rose.

On the day of Kasey’s date, the first major drama of the season happened back at the mansion. Looks like they went back to an ol’ standby this season: the ex-girlfriend appearing. ABC wasted no time in promoting this as it was in their first promo of the season. It’s actually been a while since we’ve seen that. Sure, there’s always talk every season about someone having a boyfriend/girlfriend back home, but do you realize we haven’t seen one actually appear on the show since Ali’s season, when Rego’s ex-girlfriend made that phone call? Sean, Emily, Ben, Ashley, and Brad’s season have all come and gone without them going to the “ex still in the picture” card, at least in terms of them appearing on the show. Until now. Brian Jarosinski had a girlfriend before going on the show and she showed up on that Thursday, March 21st, and I reported this back on my March 28th column. She confronted him, and he was removed from the show. Her name is Stephanie Larimore, a single mom, and most notably, was also Playboy’s Playmate of the month back in June 2006. There are MANY Google images of her if you’re so inclined to look. I certainly did. And oh yeah, she’s also the ex-girlfriend of former “Bachelorette” contestant Craig Robinson. Ahhhh, what an incestual family this franchise can be at times. From what I was told, Stephanie had no clue that Brian had left to go on the show until either she, or one of her friends, informed her that I had confirmed his as a contestant on the “Bachelorette.” She somehow got in touch with producers at that point, told them Brian didn’t even tell her she was doing this, and they had her on a plane immediately to confront him. Lets see how this douchelord tries to defend himself once it airs. Anyway, the first two pictures are her with Brian that were on his Facebook page before he took it down:

kasey

Group date: Cowboy boot camp. 5 guys (Zak, James, Juan Pablo, Bryden, and Dan) learn stunts from professionals. Zak wins a VIP screening of the “Lone Ranger” movie with Desiree.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Brandon Andreen, and Dan Cox. Brian Jarosinski eliminated earlier in the episode because, well, his girlfriend showed up.

Episode 4 (airing June 17th): Atlantic City, NJ (13 to 11)

1-on-1 date: Brad McKinzie. They went to an amusement park in a Rolls Royce and ate dinner. Also played games at the park where Brad won toys to bring home to his son Maddex. Dinner was at a lighthouse, but Brad didn’t get a rose on this date and was sent home. However, there is a little drama surrounding Brad’s exit. Maddex’s mother, Brittnee Nelson, had either a boyfriend/fiancé she’d been with for a while living in Colorado. Apparently while Brad was away filming, Brittnee and her bf/fiancé had some sort of disagreement, and she decided to move back home to Texas where her family is. Her FB page says she’s currently in Dallas, Tx. Obviously she couldn’t take Maddex with her (I’m guessing that’d be considered kidnapping), so before she left, she dropped him off at Brad’s mom’s house. This was all relayed to Brad during filming at some point, and Brad makes a phone call to Brittnee in front of the cameras to confront her on what happened. I don’t know if this phone call took place before he ever had this date with Desiree, so it’s sets up the drama he has going on back home, or, it’s after she doesn’t give him a rose. Not sure. As we know, everyone that gets a date is given a date for a reason. Because producers already know whether the lead is giving that person a rose or not, since the lead has already told them. Brad was given this 1-on-1 date in NJ because Desiree knew she was sending him home. I guess we’ll see what the reasoning is when it airs, if it even does. I have no idea if that phone call with his baby mama will be shown, but it definitely happened. Brad is in Colorado and has custody of his son, Maddex.

Group Date: Mr. America competition at the Revel Hotel. This was another date that I was live tweeting and sharing pictures with as it was happening back on Wednesday, March 27th. The three judges were Miss America 2013 Mallory Hagan from New York, the mayor of Atlantic City Lorenzo Langford, and Desiree. Each guy was asked a question, had to do a talent, and then they had the swimsuit competition. Some of the questions that were asked:

Is sex important in relationship?
If you could be any animal, which one would you want to be? This question went to Brooks.
Describe yourself as fire or ice?
Do looks matter?
What’s your ideal mate?
What could you improve on in your relationship? Chris got asked this question.

As for the talent portion, here’s what each guy did:

Kasey: He did a tap dancing act. Didn’t take it too seriously since he didn’t know how, but it was apparently fairly entertaining. Must’ve been since he won it.
Drew: Read a scene from Romeo & Juliet.
Bryden: Strip tease.
Chris: He came out in women’s heels, and hula hooped around his arms and waist.
Mike G.: He got the crowd fired up and sang “Fight for Your Right To Party” by the Beastie Boys.
Brooks: He played the ukuele to a song he made up. At the end of the song, he smashed his ukulele on the ground.
Mikey: Did a Michael Jackson impersonation dancing with a hat white gloves on. Also stripped and did one-armed pushups.
Ben: He pulled a Frank the Tank from “Old School” and did a rhythmic gymnastics routine using the ribbon and everything. Good stuff.
Zack W.: He played the guitar and sang.
Zack K.: He roller skated on stage.
Juan Pablo: Played the mini drums.

(Starting from the far end): Kasey Stewart (being covered up by Chris Harrison), Drew Kenney, Zack Kalter, Mike Garofola, Mikey Tenerelli, Brooks Forester, Chris Siegfried, Ben Scott, Zak Waddell, Juan Pablo Galavis, Bryden Vukasin

ac

Kasey won the “pageant,” Zak W. finished 2nd, with Brooks finishing in 3rd.

1-on-1 date: James Case. They visit an area that was decimated by Hurricane Sandy and meet a couple who were victims from the storm. Darius Rucker appears as well. James gets a rose.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Zack Kalter. Brad McKinzie not given a rose on his date.

Episode 5 (airing June 24th): Munich, Germany (11 to 8 )

1-on-1 date: Chris Siegfried. They toured the city of Munich then ended up with a private concert from pop artist Matt White. Chris gets a rose.

Group date: 8 guys (or 7) went sledding down highest peak in Germany. Brooks, Drew, Juan Pablo, Kasey, Zak, James, and Mikey were definitely on the date.

Bryden eliminated himself early in the week in Germany (not sure if it was before or after the group date happened) because from what I was told “just wasn’t feeling it.” Hmmmm, interesting. I guess that could be the reason. Or maybe the fact that Becky Weidow was waiting for him at home. She posted a picture of them kissing on her Instagram account just days before he left for filming. Really? So she acknowledges the fact that she knew he was leaving to go on the “Bachelorette” by saying “I’ll be missing you” in this picture just days before he left…

instagram

…then ever since he’s been back, she posted numerous pictures of them together. You could’ve checked all those pics out on her Instagram account (djbeckyfresh), but within minutes of me posting this story back on April 24th, she’d shut her account down. So, I guess Brian Jarosinski and Bryden Vukasin will be competing for biggest douchenozzle of the season. Close race at this point. Do we go with Brian, who apparently never even told the girl he was dating back home that he was going on the “Bachelorette” and she didn’t find out he was on it until she was alerted about my column, or Bryden, who knowingly was hooking up with what seems like his girlfriend right before leaving for the show, she KNOWS he’s leaving for the show, and doesn’t seem to care? I say tie for last. I find it funny when people make a mockery of this show. Makes my job that much easier.

2-on-1 date: Michael Garofola & Ben Scott. They spend most of the day on a boat, and even get to chill in a hot tub in the water. Michael & Ben did not get along. Mike thought Ben used his son to advance with Desiree and basically bad mouthed the guy to Desiree, yet she keeps Michael. Ben gets eliminated.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Mikey Tenerelli. Bryden eliminated himself earlier in the week and Ben Scott eliminated on the 2-on-1.

Episode 6 (airing July 1st): Barcelona, Spain (8 to 5)

1-on-1 date: Drew Kenney. Gets a rose.

Group date: Six guys suit up and play against a professional soccer team. Not sure what the twist is that the press release mentions, but I’ll let you know when I do.

1-on-1 date: This one I’m not sure of yet. I think it was Zak.

Kasey and James have a major confrontation in Spain. Apparently James has diarrhea of the mouth and basically will be the quote machine of the season. Constantly saying inappropriate things in ITM’s and what not. It’s not going to be a good season for James to say the least. Kasey has issues with him, he calls him out on them, and they have a heated argument. Kasey warns Desiree about James not being the right guy for her. I guess it didn’t work since both of them end up getting sent home.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Kasey Stewart, James Case, and Juan Pablo Galavis.

Epsiode 7 (airing July 8th): Madeira Island, Portugal (5 to 4)

At some point in Portugal, Lesley Murphy, Catherine, and Jackie Parr show up to talk with Desiree about her journey up to that point. Not sure if they meet the guys or not. If I had to guess, I’d say no.

There were three 1-on-1 dates and a group date (2 guys) in Portugal. Based on the info I’ve received, I’m pretty sure Brooks, Michael G., and Chris had the 1-on-1′s and Drew & Zak had the 2-on-1, but still not 100% sure. Remember, roses aren’t given out on the 1-on-1′s before the hometown date. Unless you’re Brad Womack and you break the rule to give Emily one.

Seems to happen every season. The last location or two before hometowns is usually the one I have the least amount of info on. But I guarantee after the first extended trailer for the season airs at the end of this Tuesday’s blooper special, it won’t be hard to figure out. Every season they give stuff away like that, and I expect this to be no different. It’s always fun when they do my work for me by gift wrapping the spoilers in a promo. Thanks ABC. You’re the best. However, the elimination is definitely right, as is everything from here on out.

Rose Ceremony Elimination: Michael Garofola.

Episode 8 (airing July 15th): Hometowns (4 to 3)

Chris Siegfried (McMinnville, OR) (Filmed April 20th)

chris

Brooks Forester (Salt Lake City, UT) (Filmed April 22nd)

brooks 

Zak Waddell (Dallas, TX) (Filmed April 19th)

Zak 

Drew Kenney (Scottsdale, AZ) (Filmed April 17th)

drew 

Rose Ceremony Elimination: Drew Kenney.

Episode 9 (airing July 22nd): Overnight dates (In Antigua, 3 down to 2)

No guys were eliminated early or anything like that, Desiree did use the fantasy suite with all three guys. As far as what went on, I have no idea. I guess once we watch the whole season we can see how things play out and you can play the game in your head of, “How many of the three did Desiree sleep with?” That’s always fun. I can tell you though at some point during her overnight with Zak, conversation did not go well. Not sure if this will be shown or not, but probably what led to him not getting a rose.

Rose Ceremony Elimination: Zak Waddell.

Episode 10 (airing July 29th): “Men Tell All”

Episode 11: (Final Rose Ceremony, Brooks vs Chris)

It took place Wednesay, May 8th at the Verandah Resort and Spa in Antigua. Almost a month ago to the day, I sent out this tweet:

 steve tweet

This was right when hometowns were starting and all I was hearing was “Brooks, Brooks, Brooks. She’s picking Brooks.” So I tweeted that out. Then in my next column on April 24th, is when I revealed that it was Brooks who my sources were telling me was the one she really liked and was going to pick him at the end. Almost like it was a no-brainer. I was skeptical though because last season I was told AshLee was Sean’s front runner when hometowns started, and we know how that turned out. So did Desiree have a change of heart? Did something happen at the end that made it go in a different direction? Or was what I was told a month ago accurate and it’s been known for a while she was gonna pick Brooks? I can tell you there was no trickery at the end, and she didn’t send anyone home early. Both guys showed up, she dumped one and got engaged to the other. Yep. The sources were right.

Desiree is engaged to Brooks Forester.

Desiree had her pre-season conference call yesterday with the media, and obviously was coached to blow smoke up everyone’s ass and make it seem like maybe things didn’t work out for her, or maybe she’s unhappy, or everything was so difficult she didn’t know what to do. Blah, blah, blah. We’ll have to listen to her hem and haw and dodge questions about whether or not she’s engaged until the Aug. 5th finale, but just know it’s all an act. There was an attraction to Brooks from the beginning, before hometowns even started I was hearing that’s the guy she was gonna pick, she did, and now they’re engaged. Congrats to them, and the offer stands as always that if the final couple from this show ends up getting married, I will absolutely buy them a wedding gift off their registry. Lets just say I’m not the least bit concerned about ever having to buy that gift. Enjoy the season.

brroks2 brooks1

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